If I had the chance to go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story
I would walk away with my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only
That's Nichole Nordeman. I would love nothing more than to sit over a latte with this amazing woman of God and just listen. She's a hero of mine, not just for her writing but for the heart behind it. She doesn't toil over smoothing out the rough parts of life. I admire that so greatly- the behavior directly counters human instinct.
When I was a senior in high school, I took US History at the community college. The professor was my height with white hair and a full mustache. He knew his stuff and was passionate about it. The girl sitting next to me in class dropped out because she said he was a male chauvinist, but I never had trouble approaching the guy. He brought his yellow lab to school every day and the dog lived in his office. So cool. Anyway, he'd talk religion in class sometimes. Understandable, considering our country's Christian roots. He explained who Calivinsts were, how they believe God has complete sovereignty over our decision to accept or reject Him; thus, God created some people just to go straight to hell. "If that's how it works, and I'm an elect person going to heaven, I'd live it up here while I've got the chance." It made sense to me. He taught on the Puritans as well, how they were responsible for the Salem witch trials. I was appalled and disgusted at that fact. I was studying US Government at the same time for a high school requirement, and the book had nothing but praise for the Puritans. After that I took a lot of what my "good Christian textbook" said with a grain of salt.
I really enjoyed that history class and I learned so much. It was by far the best class I'd taken at community college. But since coming to a Christian college, I've realized that Calivinism goes deeper than my professor's explanation. It's an approach to the justice of a good God. I've heard exquisite Puritan prayers that enrapture my heart. Here's the point:
We are tremendously inclined as human beings to elevate heroes to sainthood and demonize others, who in actually aren't so different from ourselves.
Stop. Think about it. Maybe you just read that story about my professor and thought, "What a terrible person!" And then you read my praise of him and thought the exact same thing about me. Maybe you've tagged me as liberal. But the thing is, I don't necessarily feel the same way now that I did three years ago. People change and don't fit in our neat little boxes. When we forget this, we fall victim to judgment. Judgment elevates us so highly that we have to squint to see other people. When things are fuzzy, we darken the lines with our own fallible presuppositions. Our ideology is so black and white that we forget people are so many brilliant shades of grey. Perhaps silver is more appropriate, a silver that glimmers with the most magnificent multicolored hues under sunlight.
The fact that we sanctify some individuals and demonize others hits pretty close to home, because I'm faced with a choice. Not "How will I look at others?" though that's important, too. Instead I wonder, "How am I presenting myself?" I can pass for perfect, maybe, if I try hard enough. If I were to write an autobiography, what would it say? I can conveniently forget every time I've screwed up and paint a flawless portrait. Does it make sense to say that each and every day I pen another page? We all do. A few days ago, my hairdresser was telling me about LA. He said an insurmountable number of people there are superficial and have had Botox injections. They try to fix the imperfections. Their autobiography reads like a fantasy. I don't want that. If you study the Puritans you'll find that there is truth to both of the accounts I was presented with in high school. At the end of my life, I don't want people to see all the bad stuff, the way my history professor viewed the Puritans. I don't want people to look at my life like some Christians saw the Puritans, either. By God's grace I've done some things right, and I've definitely made my share of mistakes. I'm never as good or as awful of a person as you make me out to be, and I hope you've noticed that. I hope the way I live my life tells all.
